Wiggle, wiggle!

I understand that I'm in big trouble with Pastor George in Fresno if I don't post regularly, ;) so for those of you who are gluttons for punishment, I'll keep writing.  As my parents/siblings/husband will confirm, it's pretty rare for me to be out of words!

Well, let's start with the big news:  Steve wiggled his big toe today!!  This is brand new--impossible yesterday.  My dad tells me that the toe wiggling is a function that takes place at the L4-L5 area of the spinal column, and that we would expect the healing to begin in that area and progress up toward the site of the injury.  In addition, we expect the motor functions to return first, as there was more damage to the sensory nerves.  This is a good thing--getting around is most important for his recovery at this stage.  And let me tell you, he's getting around in ways I couldn't have expected!

Suddenly our days at Long Beach Memorial seem very short.  Tomorrow I get "trained" in Steve's care, as well as learn how to get in and out of the car.  Tuesday I have my appointment with the DMV to get his handicap placard (sooo weird).  Wednesday he comes home.

HOME.  I think to many this sounds like the culmination of all that is good and healthy and complete.  Dust of your hands, crisis past. But for us, it's the beginning of the next phase of hard work.  We will have a lot of adjusting to do.  Needing heavy assistance in the home in which he was the primary muscle, mechanic, carpenter, and facility manager is going to be a weighty.  For both of us.  Finding a healthy routine that encompasses Steve's care and rehab but also our needs as a family is going to take some delicacy, permission to fail, quickly forgiving hearts, and a sense of family purpose.

In addition to these adjustments, we are fighting the fear of losing the safety net of the hospital.  Getting exactly the med we need within minutes.  An easily controlled environment.  Reassurance of professionals.  It will be like suddenly finding yourself in Spain after having learned Spanish in 4th period.  But more than ever, this is where we must be deliberate about recognizing God's sovereignty.  We have had hundreds of reasons over the last few weeks to know that God is caring for us.  In many ways, he's used the natural processes he's set in place -- the chemistry of pharmaceuticals, the physiology of the body, the psychology of relationships.  In many other ways, he has supernaturally cared for us.  He sent us people right when we needed them, he protected us from many things that could have been far more dangerous, he allowed me to process the severity of Steve's accident slowly so that I didn't go into shock.

This morning we had a sweet, sweet time with our church.  Every time we finish a preaching series, we have a reflection service where people share what they have learned through the series.  We've been preaching through our church's doctrinal statement -- essentially, what do we really believe.  (This is a pretty good summary -- it's what our kids learn about every single week at Grace.)  What was so poignant for me is that Steve and I were so blessed to once again be focused on thinking through the basics of what we believe during the last several months.  It's like the Army Reserves, whose job is to train, trian, train so that they are ready for action at any time. We feel that was what was asked of us, and we are so thankful.

Steve was able to skype into the service, and was even able to publicly thank our wonderful church for the way we've been loved, supported and prayed for.  And please know this extends far beyond La Mirada -- we hear that Riverpark Church in Fresno is praying hard for us, though we've never met most of you.  And Aunt Joy's church in Nebraska and Dephanie's church in Oklahoma.  The list goes on. We are absolutely humbled by this.  Knowing that so many of you are praying for us allows me to rest in the inadequacy of my own prayers--that you pray in ways I cannot.  And for those of you who are not in a position with God to offer your prayers, know that God is using your kindness to us in powerful ways as well.  May I humbly ask you, however, to take this opportunity to perhaps dig up those questions that bother you about God?  There is great freedom in seeking out where those questions come from, and you may be surprised to discover that there are actually some very good answers.

Sorry about this... I love my husband, but feet are just gnarly...