Counting Blessings

A couple of people have affirmed me for my strong faith this weekend.  But I need to dispell any myth that I'm a special person in some way.  Many years ago, I felt like a poser living in a Christian community, just trying to figure out "the right things" I was supposed to do.  But I knew I believed in God, and that I wanted to be on God's side.  I remember a very timid and almost inarticulate prayer at that time.  Essentially, I asked God to help me figure out if he was real and what was true, and whether he could "help me get to where I needed to be" by the time I was in my 20's or 30's.  Through a variety of people, circumstances, and real thinking and questioning over many years, God has truly granted that request.  I can't describe it in any other way than to say God has been cultivating my trust in him, and he has proved himself more than worthy of that trust.  This is not just a sense of peace, inspiration, or spiritual feeling.  It's a long-growing understanding that absolutely nothing I do could fill the gap between myself and a God who is perfect.  But over the course of many years, I've learned to understand that God provided that way for me, instead of me trying to just look good.  That it took a very costly death by Jesus to turn me from an enemy of God, pretending to be "good," into what he calls a dearly loved child with full access to him and everything about him.  

Just a month or so ago I was talking with Steve's sister Jennifer about how I can see that God is preparing my heart for times of suffering.  Suffering is something all of us have been through, are going through, will go through, or are walking through with others.  This is a broken world we live in, so there will be suffering.  But I have such great and absolute hope that God will not waste one moment of our pain, and he is in the process of working out his plan to make all things right in a very not right world.  

Part of this process for me has been remembering what God has done.  I'd like to record several of the things that have come to mind that were God's grace to me this weekend.

Steve was with Doug Geringer, who is excellent in a crisis.
There were people out walking on the trail who had cell phones.
The fire station was perhaps only a quarter mile away.
He was within an easy drive of one of the best hospitals in Southern California.
My parents were able to leave almost immediately, including my dad (a physician), who miraculously was able to have his schedule cleared (Thank you Cindy, staff, and docs!)
Our neighbors were immediately able to care for our kids, had the day open, and were the ideal people to care for them in that moment.
While emotional, I didn't panic.  I was able to understand and take things in slowly.
Steve and I had shared a really wonderful conversation and really connected over it the night before, and we went into this without a shred of tension between us.
Denise was able to come sit with me in the ER, and has the intuitive understanding of patients in crisis,  well as the ability to know how to cry and laugh with me in the same moment.
Our first nurse was a Christian, and prayed with us and shared scripture.
Our next nurse attended a biola before her nursing school, and I have worked closely with her Father in law at Biola.
Our surgeon was exceptional.  Clear, honest, confident, skilled, articulate and kind.
People began to pray immediately, and we felt well cared for by so many very quickly.
I remembered to bring my cell phone charger.
Steve's sister Jennifer was able to come immediately, to help care for the kids during the day, and has taken the night shift so I can get some rest.
The kids have handled things surprisingly well.  They have had very few issues, though certainly alert to the abnormal environment.
I was much further ahead with adventure week planning than ever, and capable people are in place to take over.
Krispie Kreme is across the street... This sounds funny, but it has been awesome for me!
Our cars work great.  Our house is in basic order.
Chad Van Essen is going to take care of our pool this month!
My dad has been here to help us understand our position medically, and is able to give Steve exactly what he needs: clear and complete facts and no sugar coating.
Denise (a PT) was here today and met the PT at the hospital and has been showing me how to care for him between nurse and PT visits.
We are able to grieve incrementally, have healthy emotions, but not despair or feel hopeless.
I was able to have a long, sweet talk with Steve's mom so that she would not feel so far away from her baby.

There are more.  And more and more.  This is a short list.

I want to leave you with a passage from Philippians that has encouraged us.  We see it describing the community who has supported us, but also describes the trust we have in God.

"I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble. And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only. Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. (Philippians 4:10-20 ESV)