In Training

Today was Jenny Training Day.  Steve got to show off his fierce skills in both the OT and PT areas, and I was talked through how each task breaks down.  Perhaps most exciting to me was watching how well he did getting in and out of the Big Grey Whale!  The van seat is the perfect height for him to slide right into.  I'm relieved.  My job in all his functions is to act as spotter for him, mostly in the area of balance.  I'm thankful that my role for him is support, and that he is truly responsible for his own care.  We're sorting through all the equipment, provided and need-to-purchase, that he will need when he comes home, making sure everything suits his particular needs.

I told the kids tonight that they have a big job when Daddy comes home.  They have to REMIND MOMMY not to leave her shoes lying around (guilty).  They also have to help look out for toys, especially LEGOS, water spots and help Keep the Paths Clear.  They loved that their job was to remind Mom about her messy shoes.  Tonight when we prayed, Lucy said, "Let's pray that we all remember our jobs when Dad comes home."

As the pros at LBM have checked in with me mentally and emotionally about how ready I am to perform the needed support functions, I realized that I made this decision a long, long time ago.  Once when we were dating, Steve was somewhat seriously ill, and I had the privilege of taking care of him.  I remember realizing after our 2nd E.R. trip that I loved him and wanted to go through life with him.  At the time he was sick, he had absolutely nothing to offer me, and was only in a position for me to care for him.  I asked myself whether I could truly commit to love him like this for life.  I was shocked how easy it was to say yes, from the depths of my soul.  So yes, I've been ready for 14 years.  And very willing.

Here is an excerpt from our marriage vows, which I have the privilege of keeping every day:

"...in this marriage I commit to be faithful, to build a home, to work at being together, to give grace to, to take delight in, to seek counsel in you, to serve, to forgive, to live an intentional and well-balanced life, and to protect and prioritize this marriage in suffering and joy for as long as God gives us life."

Look what Lucy made for Dad!

Wiggle, wiggle!

I understand that I'm in big trouble with Pastor George in Fresno if I don't post regularly, ;) so for those of you who are gluttons for punishment, I'll keep writing.  As my parents/siblings/husband will confirm, it's pretty rare for me to be out of words!

Well, let's start with the big news:  Steve wiggled his big toe today!!  This is brand new--impossible yesterday.  My dad tells me that the toe wiggling is a function that takes place at the L4-L5 area of the spinal column, and that we would expect the healing to begin in that area and progress up toward the site of the injury.  In addition, we expect the motor functions to return first, as there was more damage to the sensory nerves.  This is a good thing--getting around is most important for his recovery at this stage.  And let me tell you, he's getting around in ways I couldn't have expected!

Suddenly our days at Long Beach Memorial seem very short.  Tomorrow I get "trained" in Steve's care, as well as learn how to get in and out of the car.  Tuesday I have my appointment with the DMV to get his handicap placard (sooo weird).  Wednesday he comes home.

HOME.  I think to many this sounds like the culmination of all that is good and healthy and complete.  Dust of your hands, crisis past. But for us, it's the beginning of the next phase of hard work.  We will have a lot of adjusting to do.  Needing heavy assistance in the home in which he was the primary muscle, mechanic, carpenter, and facility manager is going to be a weighty.  For both of us.  Finding a healthy routine that encompasses Steve's care and rehab but also our needs as a family is going to take some delicacy, permission to fail, quickly forgiving hearts, and a sense of family purpose.

In addition to these adjustments, we are fighting the fear of losing the safety net of the hospital.  Getting exactly the med we need within minutes.  An easily controlled environment.  Reassurance of professionals.  It will be like suddenly finding yourself in Spain after having learned Spanish in 4th period.  But more than ever, this is where we must be deliberate about recognizing God's sovereignty.  We have had hundreds of reasons over the last few weeks to know that God is caring for us.  In many ways, he's used the natural processes he's set in place -- the chemistry of pharmaceuticals, the physiology of the body, the psychology of relationships.  In many other ways, he has supernaturally cared for us.  He sent us people right when we needed them, he protected us from many things that could have been far more dangerous, he allowed me to process the severity of Steve's accident slowly so that I didn't go into shock.

This morning we had a sweet, sweet time with our church.  Every time we finish a preaching series, we have a reflection service where people share what they have learned through the series.  We've been preaching through our church's doctrinal statement -- essentially, what do we really believe.  (This is a pretty good summary -- it's what our kids learn about every single week at Grace.)  What was so poignant for me is that Steve and I were so blessed to once again be focused on thinking through the basics of what we believe during the last several months.  It's like the Army Reserves, whose job is to train, trian, train so that they are ready for action at any time. We feel that was what was asked of us, and we are so thankful.

Steve was able to skype into the service, and was even able to publicly thank our wonderful church for the way we've been loved, supported and prayed for.  And please know this extends far beyond La Mirada -- we hear that Riverpark Church in Fresno is praying hard for us, though we've never met most of you.  And Aunt Joy's church in Nebraska and Dephanie's church in Oklahoma.  The list goes on. We are absolutely humbled by this.  Knowing that so many of you are praying for us allows me to rest in the inadequacy of my own prayers--that you pray in ways I cannot.  And for those of you who are not in a position with God to offer your prayers, know that God is using your kindness to us in powerful ways as well.  May I humbly ask you, however, to take this opportunity to perhaps dig up those questions that bother you about God?  There is great freedom in seeking out where those questions come from, and you may be surprised to discover that there are actually some very good answers.

Sorry about this... I love my husband, but feet are just gnarly... 

Worthy

We just wrapped another year of Adventure Week, and my feet are thanking me for finally sitting down.  I wish I could describe what a beautiful time it is. To hear my kids and their friends and 400 other kids singing words like, "Worthy, you are worthy our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things."  Truth, out of the mouths of babes.  I love that God's truth is in their mouths and hearts and even in their bodies as they do the motions.  They will remember these songs because they are super fun, but God will bring these words of truth to mind for them when they need them.  I'm so incredibly grateful to our church for the hours and hours and hours of work that goes into this, because it is absolutely worth it.

It felt so strange not to have Steve there this year.  He is a ubiquitous figure, supporting me in the craziness of the café and caring for our kids.  But he is right where he needs to be.  As we were discussing one aspect of his homecoming that worries us, he quoted an Adventure Week song right back at me:  "Trust in the Lord... Trust in the Lord."  Again... not just for fun, but truth for real life.

And I think I was just where I needed to be as well.  Throughout the week, person after person told me how they are praying for our family, which was like soothing balm for our wounds.  These prayers are truly powerful.  Steve's PT today said, "You understand, this just doesn't happen.  People do not progress this quickly."  We credit the healing power of God and the prayers of the family of God.  But don't miss this:  even if Steve were not to have recovered, or does not recover further than this, God still is good, loving, powerful, wise.  Perfectly so.  He is worthy.

Søren's day with Daddy

Lord help me, if you crash your father... 

Playing soccer with Dad

Courage

Lucy and I got to go by ourselves to see Steve after Lucy's occupational therapy session, which is only about 15 minutes away from the hospital.  Steve was very tired today after a bad night of sleep, but still pushing through.  He and Lucy had a couple of special moments together, and Lucy got to see part of his PT.

Steve asked for prayer for courage.  He is feeling daunted by the mental challenges that will come with being home soon, and realizes that it will take some serious courage to face each of these fears.  We know that we have a God who gives exactly that.

Psalm 31:23-24
Love the LORD, all you saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful
but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.
Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
all you who wait for the LORD.

Bedside Conference

Yesterday morning was our "Bedside Conference," where Steve's entire medical team comes in and gives updates.  They addressed his medical issues, which are coming along nicely--staples/sutures out, lungs continuing to improve, ulcer healing, blood clots not a concern.  They also began looking to what his homecoming will look like.  At present we are looking at a walker and only a few other alterations to our home for him to be comfortable/functional.

His OT and PT are using words like, "exceptional" and "outstanding" for his progress in the gym.  He is working on things like balance, since he does not have the use of his feet and calves as before.  They are working on managing steps, how to sit down to different heights, how to step sideways, etc.  Because he has minimal ankle control, and no calf/foot control, he is teaching his other muscles how to pick up the slack and understand his proprioceptive needs.

We are still on track for a July 2 homecoming.  I'm both excited and also nervous to not have that medical safety net just a call-button away.  Thankfully Steve truly taking over his care a little at a time, so he will be able to instruct me about how to help him.  Independence is the major goal here.

He is tired every day, as sleeping has become a skill to be mastered, and he is working as hard as a professional athlete.  But his spirits are generally very good.  He is able to meet the challenges that his situation presents, understand them frankly, and adjust his expectations to them.  He continues to be encouraged by your words and prayers.  A friend brought cookies the other day, and he had a grand old time handing them out to all the people who came to visit and the staff who attend to him.

I am tired this week.  Adventure Week is always tiring, with later bedtimes and more activity, and we are adding in a piano recital this weekend, and some other activities for the kids.  Our Big Grey Whale (van) has been getting quite the workout!  But I am thankful that each day there is progress and we have great hope.  I've been so thankful for the opportunity to help our kids understand how BIG our God really is.  God is the great healer, and he can heal Dad's body.  But even if he does not, we know that we still trust that he loves us and will care for us far beyond what we can ask or think.

(a little card from my big sister -- she helped us "feed the whale!")

Day to day

Adventure Week is wonderful, and I'm so glad for the kids' sake especially that it is this week.  They are SO happy every night.  Me?  Wiped out.  Today I was especially tired and trying to add in a drive with the kids to Long Beach to participate in some of his therapy.  I love being at Adventure Week, though, even tired, as there are many, many people there who love us well.

Seeing Steve walk today was supposed to have been a happy moment for me, as it was the first time I'd seen it with my own eyes.  But I found it very emotional.  Here was a thing I've always seen him do, and now it was something full of effort, exertion and pain.  I'm so incredibly thankful for his progress, but it certainly was a bit of a moment for me. But it is also a picture of how the Body of Christ works.  Steve's calves do not work at all right now, so his quads and knees, hips, arms, abs are all picking up the slack.  This is what we do for each other when a member of the body is in pain or grief or suffering.  It is what we are experiencing daily right now.

I'm allowing myself to feel what I need to feel when I feel it, to understand fatigue as temporal.  I am tired, but God is not.  How freeing it is to allow God to carry me when I feel this way!  Sad but not in despair, tired, but not defeated!

Steve's parents arrived safely last night, and were able to spend much of the day with him, meeting members of his team and watching his therapy.  It is so very good to have them here.

Tomorrow we have a meeting with his team bright and early, and I'm eager to hear their assessments.  All signs are still pointing to a homecoming next week with out-patient care to follow indefinitely.

Doing therapy as a family

Special toys from Tante and George!

Walking with a walker

*Some have not been able to view the videos on the blog.  If you'd like me to send them, please feel free to email me at jennyearle <at> mac.com, and I'd be glad to forward them to you.  

A Boy and his Dad

Steve's Requests

Yesterday I dropped the ball and didn't post Steve's request for prayer.  His request yesterday was that God would strengthen his mind and help him to clearly be able to delineate between lies and the truth.  Thoughts will come to him like, "A more skilled rider could have avoided this."  But we know those to be lies, not helpful to him for his recovery.  Pray that God will protect him from these.

Today he asked me to pray that he would trust in God's plan for our future.  He has made such rapid progress that he is starting to see more clearly the gap between his fully healthy self and where he will likely be for some time to come.  His words:  "Please pray that I will continue to put my trust in God before my own understanding-when I don't know what tomorrow brings and when I don't see or understand the plan."

The scripture he sent me is:  "But, as it is written, 'What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him." -- 1 Corinthians 2: 9

Your prayers continue to sustain us!

Adventure Week!!

This is our family's favorite week of the year!  We are so sad that Steve isn't here with us, but we are sending him lots of pictures.

For those unfamiliar with Adventure Week, it's essentially our church's bible-camp-week.  You might have grown up with a Vacation Bible School or something to that effect.  Ours is held in the evening, and our entire church gets involved.  My job is heading up the Parent Café, which has become quite a Thing.  People come and get fantastic desserts, drink great coffee and are able to spend some quality time with each other while their children are being well cared for and having a fantastic time.  We try to make the parents feel loved by decorating it well and making it fun.  I calculated once that somewhere around 900,000 calories pass through the cafe during the week!

What I love about this week is that it isn't just about entertaining the kids (though it totally does--check out the ORIGINAL music here).  And it isn't about telling the kids they'd better be good or the devil will get them.  They are very clear about the state of our hearts.  We all--ALL--fall short.  We know it.  THE KIDS know it.  They know they can never really be perfect.  And how can we ever fill that gap between us and a holy God?  Not by doing extra good stuff, and avoiding bad stuff.  The kids learn why Christ had to come, why he chose to come, why he had to die, and how they truly have the very free gift of that bridged gap available to them.

Another way I see God having prepared us for this season in our life is how he orchestrated my responsibilities for Adventure Week.  It can be nearly a full-time job with late nights and single-focus.  However, for the first time ever, I was weeks ahead in my work.  The day after Steve's accident, I took 30 minutes to write an email to several key people to hand off my work, and I literally did not think about the details again until I showed up tonight.  I learned that at least dozen different people put in HOURS to make sure the cafe would look gorgeous, that desserts and coffee would be abundantly provided, and that I wouldn't have to worry about a thing.  The way people stepped up was tangible love for us.  This is what it looks like when the body of Christ joyfully loves and cares for others, suffers and rejoices with one another.  It's only possible because of Christ!

Pigeon Relocation Program

Well, as wonderful as the pigeon was at the time we needed it, it was just fine with me if it moved along.  And in moving along I mean capturing and dumping him off.  My father has quite a lot of experience in this area, having relocated possums for years now.

Saturday before we headed over to rehab, my dad, aka Lightning Hands, managed to grab the pigeon and put him in our neighbor's dog crate.

Is that the face of a proud pigeon handler or what? 

Snowey joined us for a lovely Saturday drive to the park, and we took him to a nice, shady tree.

We said a few words of farewell, and left him to enjoy pooping somewhere else.

Hasta luego, Snowey.  May we only ever meet again at the park.  

Continued Progress

Day 5 of Rehab, and we continue to be so grateful for the astonishing improvement.  Steve's therapists are somewhat agast:  "We tell you to do something, and you do it!"  Steve scratches his head ... "Well, you told me to do it... so I did it..."  In other words, Steve is focused and driven, trusts his therapists and lets them guide him through literally each step.

To answer some of the FAQ's...
Because of the location of the fracture, Steve has no muscle control on his calves, his hamstrings, his ankles, feet and glutes.  His feet have only tingling sensation right now.  His quads are strong, so he is using his quads a great deal to move.  We anticipate that slowly those muscles will begin to return, but nerve regrowth takes a very long time.

The therapists are breaking down the mechanics of walking, and exercising each isolated bit of walking.  There is muscle memory there, and going through the motions "wakes up" the nerves that remain intact.

He has back pain from the injury, but at present it is manageable with the medications he's on.  He has pain in the incisions as well.  We believe he will get the staples out in the next week.  His feet are painful because they are in a constant state of pins-and-needles, and it feels like his feet are always immersed in ice water.

Steve's progress has surprised even his therapists.  They did not anticipate that he would be doing so well so quickly.  I am preparing my emotions for some dips and plateaus, but regardless, this is all extremely promising.

I got to go to church this morning, and Steve got to participate via Skype!  It was fun to glance back at the a/v booth and see Steve listening.  It was very encouraging to me!  The kids had a tough time at church.  Søren is supposed to be transitioning into the Kindergarten class, and just isn't really ready for it.  Lucy has been sitting restlessly with us lately in church, and neither of them are at a comfortable place right now.  You can pray for me as I figure out how to care for them at church.  Christi Watson took them outside for me so I could stay today, and it just fed my soul to be there with my church family, giving glory to God.

My parents left this morning, and all of us seemed to feel it all catching up with us.  We were all tired and/or cranky in turns.  We realize this is part of the process, so we are just letting today be today, making allowances for ourselves, and making the goal for the day to rest well.  God can even work through my crankiness.  This is perhaps the time when it is most important for me to cling to God, when the crisis has passed and the long plodding begins.  He is faithful in all things.

Are you ready for this??

In a blink

I forget which situation happened a few weeks ago, but Steve and I were reminded that any single one of us is one blink away from crisis.  We were talking about it and it was a good reminder to us that it isn't worth hanging onto bitterness in our relationships.  You simply don't know whether you will have an opportunity to repair that relationship.

We count ourselves incredibly blessed that this happened during a time when our relationship was particularly strong, and when there were no major rifts in our friendships or work relationships.

During our crisis, I get a particular privilege.  You all have to listen to me and be nice to me.  I get to say things that are a little gutsy, and you still have to be nice!  For heaven's sake, my husband is coming home in a wheelchair!  :)

Will you forgive me if I deliver a challenge to you?  Would you examine your relationships, those with tensions in them, and ask God to show you what your responsibility is for reconciliation?  I know that the other person isn't faultless.  If you hadn't been wronged in some way, you wouldn't be hurting or angry or annoyed.  But when you really shut your eyes and take a deep breath, maybe you can see whether there is a way for you to at least show kindness, compassion, forgiveness to them.  Not for any gain for you, but because it is the right thing.  There is a fantastic passage on this in Henry Cloud's book, 9 Things You Simply Must Do, which I can't recommend enough.  He says that regardless of who "started it," you have ownership over your response.  It breaks my heart to see rifts in relationships that could be reconciled, and I am praying for you dear ones as you ask hard questions.  This may mean that you keep your distance in order to keep from injuring the relationship further, but you do have some measure of control over whether you continue to feed your own bitterness.  Ask yourself, "Is being right more important than this relationship?"

I actually enjoy talking through those kinds of things with people, and please don't feel like you are bothering me if you would like to email me about it.  I will answer as I am able.  It's important to me.

Thanks for indulging me.  I have been writing what is on my heart, trusting that you are all kind enough to recognize that it is with love that I write.

Ephesians 4:31-32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

FAQ's?

Since we have been able to report such a strong beginning to Steve's recovery process, I thought I would pause and ask whether there are questions you may have or details you'd like to know that I have not answered.  I'd like to issue an invitation to either post them below or email them to me at jennyearle <at> mac.com, and I'd be glad to answer them.

I'm still stunned by the increasingly wide concern and love we're being shown.  I'm sure I sound like a broken record when I say that, but daily I just shake my head in grateful disbelief.

Happy, Happy, Happy

Today was an exhausting day but a happy one.  Steve was up bright and early and pushed hard through the early part of the day.  He had significant progress with things like transferring himself to and from his wheelchair, and with some exciting muscle movement and coordination.  He says that it feels fantastic to have something significant to DO.  For the first time, he has been fine being alone in his room for a little while. He's asked for his ipad.  When we were there, he started to adjust his position in bed all by himself.  These are unbelievable to me, when I remember where we were last week.

The meds he's taking for the ulcer are starting to work.  Essentially they coat the inside of his stomach so that it isn't painful to eat.  He still is eating very small meals, and it's still not fun, but it's far and away better than half an ounce of jello in a day.

The kids and Grammie and I went to the Long Beach Aquarium today, as the kids have been asking for AGES to go, and it's only 10 minutes away from "Daddy's Room."  We wanted them to have a bit a fun day with mom after all of this.  It was crazy busy, and as such, Grammie and I were pretty indifferent to the wonders of the underwater wild.  But the kids had a great time, and we are looking forward to using our passes this year.

My dad arrived back here around 8 tonight, and will stay through Sunday.  I think it will be important for him to get to see Steve's marked improvement as well.

Today we understand that Biola sent out an all-staff email about our situation, and we have just felt so incredibly loved by all of you as you've reached out to us.  Thank you for loving us well and praying for us.

Some encouragement to us this week:  (Thanks, Betsy!)

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Here is how your prayers were answered this last week:

Friday, June 13, 2014

Friday, June 20, 2014

Why we are not angry with God

In the last week, we have marked the realization of each loss, small and great, with its own set of tears.  We will miss our much-loved trip to Campus by the Sea on Catalina Island.  We'd planned to go camping in the Sierras, the first camping trip as a family.  Steve won't be able to work on the house and yard at all this summer.  He has suffered much at the loss of being able to go to work at present.  He's grieved over the loss of control over his body.  I've grieved to see my strong husband need help just to move his feet in bed.  We've grieved over our family being all together under one roof.  We have strong hope that he will be able to walk, but there are no guarantees.

But we are not angry with God.  It's actually a very natural thing to feel, but it isn't something we have struggled with.  To understand why, it's important to understand who God is, what parts of his character he's revealed to the world.  We know him to be completely sovereign over the world, having created it and having complete knowledge of how it should best be run, even as it stands in its broken state.  (Hopefully more on the broken state of the world in another blog post.)  We also know him to be completely loving.  He did not look at Steve last Friday and push the "smite" button.  We don't know why he allowed this to happen, but we know it is not because he is vindictive, petty or cruel.  We also strongly believe that God has complete control over how this wrong will be ultimately set right, how it will reflect God as the ultimate good, and how he will use it to bring about many things small and large that are a part of his plan.  We have complete trust in this, not because it is a crutch or a nice imagining that gets us through things, but because when everything is said and done, it is the absolute truth.  It is, or it is not.  And we believe that it is.

Once when going through something difficult with our daughter, another mom in a similar situation said, "Well, I guess God never gives us more than we can handle."  Actually, he does.  This isn't something that we were specially equipped to handle.  This goes way beyond what we can handle. But God in his grace gives/allows what we can NOT handle, and then gives us everything we need and more to be able to handle it.  I have watched each detail fall into place in ways that I never could have orchestrated myself or been able to ask for.  The Love of God has just gushed out at every turn, with every email that comes to us saying that you care or that you are praying.  How could I be angry at a God who has used hundreds of ways to show me that he loves me and is caring for me?

To God be the Glory, great things He has done.

Day 7

The day started early and kicked off into activity.  His entire team assembled in his room, and each member gave their quick assessment and updates, addressing things like the blood clots and the ulcer, and helped us get a basic idea of how we are going to spend our time here.  These guys are exceptional, and it's clear why this place is perhaps the best in the state.  They are personable and fun, but very serious, thoughtful, thorough, skilled and focused.

Steve did two OT sessions today, and was just beginning his PT evaluation when he was called to surgery to insert the ICF.  This is essentially a filter in the vein just below the kidneys, and it catches a clot if it gets dislodged.  He has to lay close to flat for at least 4 hours following the procedure, and tomorrow he will get a full day of therapy in.

The dietitian came by and helped identify the best group of foods that he can get down for now, and anticipates a return to a regular diet by somewhere around Monday or Tuesday.  He gets more down at each meal, though still extremely painful.  The more he can eat, the less light headed he feels, and the more energy he can exert in his therapy sessions.

The kids came again this afternoon.  They received some legos in the mail from my cousin (thank you!!), and they brought them to Dad's room.  They have put their legos together and hung out with Dad.  It feels kind of normal-ish.  The kids finally asked me what his actual injury was, and we were able to talk about it.  They thought it was crazy and funny that Dad had metal and screws in his back!  I think they are processing each piece of information really well.

Steve told me to tell you all that your encouragement has been very important to him.  Taking the time to write those words has truly meant the world--that you heard, understood and cared.  Your prayers have bolstered us, and we truly believe are keeping us intact.  His world is pretty small still, so we are still not ready for visitors other than family and a few of our particular family friends.  But hearing your comments and email is invaluable.  To make sure he hears them, send them through me:  jennyearle <at> mac.com.  I will make sure he gets them.

Continue to pray -- your prayers are powerful!  Know that, as we are able, we are praying for many of you and the struggles you are going through at the same time.  It is our joy and privilege to do so as we are able.

You can't compare

I asked a friend about something he is going through a few days ago, and he said, "Well, it's nothing compared to what you are going through."  However, I think you just can't compare suffering.  God has a different story for everyone.  In C.S. Lewis's Narnia series, one of the characters asks about whether another character will see the great Aslan again.  Aslan answers saying something to the effect of, "that is their own story, and it's not for you to know."  (Someone want to find that passage for me?)

There are many people around me who are suffering.  The Lietzaus, for instance, or dear Mary McBride.  But there are others suffering silently about which we know nothing.  No tragedy or trauma, but slow, long-suffering with no end in sight.  But I think what is important is to gage my own suffering by ME.  I am looking for good perspective, certainly (we live in Southern California and not Equatorial Guinea, for example).  But what I believe to be most healthy is for us to acknowledge our suffering for what it is, rejoice in God's provision for us, and cry out to him for comfort and help.  It is not helpful to amplify and glorify our suffering and wallow in it, nor is it healthy for us to say, "Gee, I'm glad I'm not so-and-so."  It is our own portion, given to us for this time, ultimately for the glory of God.

I have a request of you.  Look gently around for the quiet long-suffering people in your circle of influence.  Find a small way you can lift them up today.  Pray for them and tell them.  Bring them a latte.  Take their dog for a walk, or bake them banana bread.  Show them that they, too don't walk alone.  We have felt so loved and supported in our trauma.  But it is not a tragedy.  We are already seeing how God is loving others through what we are experiencing.  Praise him for that!

___________________
Update:
'Child,' said the Voice, 'I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.'

-The Horse and His Boy

(Thanks, Caleb Tucker!)

Snowey

The night Steve moved from UCI to Kaiser Downey, Søren was having a tough night.  Just not quite right, not happy about anything, quick to cry.  I stopped in briefly to grab a few things so I could stay the night.  Søren clung to me.  He said, "When is Dad going to come home?"  I told him it would be a little while because his owies needed time to heal.  He said, "Like three weeks."  I said, "Probably something like that."  He just put his head down on my chest and cried quietly.  I told him it was okay to be sad. I reminded him we would bring him to see Dad very soon, before Saturday for sure.  I think he felt good to just have me tell him it was okay to be sad, but feel reassured, too.

Unfortunately I had to get moving, as Steve was headed to Kaiser for his admission, and I didn't want him to be without an advocate.  As I was driving, I was just praying and remembering that God is caring for my children.  (This is when I nearly hit the peacock!)

Unbeknownst to me, at that very time, a white pigeon landed in our backyard.  The kids were ecstatic, and spent the rest of the evening laughing as "Snowey" (Lucy's naming prowess here) hopped on the fence and pecked at the wind chimes. As of this morning it is still there.

Now, I'm not one who looks for God to send me signs, it's just not the way I'm made.  But I'll be honest, I said, "Really God, isn't that a little cliché?" Regardless, it has been the source of a lot of laughs and fun for the kids, and even for me, and I'm thankful for it.

Except that I now have two Backyard Poopers instead of one.

Last day of school/First day of Rehab

Today my baby switched the toggle from 2nd grader to 3rd grader.  She will not let me call her a 3rd grader until the first day of school, however.  So we are in no-man's land for now.  A very happy, sleeping-in-y no-man's land.

Steve has officially been at Long Beach Memorial Rehab Center for 24 hours, and let me tell you, this is the rock-and-roll team.  Every single person we have talked to is outstanding.  He was assessed by an internist, a physical medicine doctor, the radiologists, the occupational therapists, neurologist, and the case worker.  Denise Geringer got to be here (Thanks Katie Guenther and Mom for taking Denise's kids!!) and it was fantastic to have her acting as Steve's personal care giver for the day.  She understands the procedures and the lingo, and was able to talk with Steve's PT.  She brought a great deal of comfort to Steve because of her excellence in bedside manner and skill.

Steve was able to get up and sit in a wheel chair for well over an hour.  He was able to get a hospital shower, which was a huge relief -- the Fullerton Loop sand has hitched a ride all over the Southland in Steve's hair.

Unfortunately there are two setbacks.  First, his stomach pain is likely an ulcer caused by the steroids, and it is making it almost impossible to eat.  He can get a little jello down, and some water, but that's about it right now.

Second, he has two blood clots in his legs, so he has been put on strict bed rest for at least 24 hours.  They are hoping to get a procedure approved to break up the clots, rather than use cumadin, since he has just had surgery.  Please pray about this item, as it is the most dangerous.  However, he did get up this morning with the blood clots in there, so there is hope that they will not dislodge now that he's on bedrest.  These are both very discouraging to him, as he is so eager to get moving.  And all of this is making him exceptionally uncomfortable.  However, even in his discouragement, he is very aware of how far we have come.  We are only on Day 6 of this journey, and looking back to Day 1, we have much, much, much to be thankful for.

Tomorrow our entire team of doctors, nurses, and therapists will come into the room for a "Bedside Conference," and they will present the plan to Steve, addressing all his issues from head to toe.  Every single person here makes us feel like Steve is their star patient.  They are seriously rock stars.

The kids were able to come!  I had some fantastic advice from Kevin and Kimberly Van Lant and Lauren Maltby, (both Kevin and Lauren are Psychologists) about how to help them feel secure and prepared to see dad.  It went really well--the wheel chair and the glove balloons were a hit, as was the garden/courtyard.  Lucy was very interested in the place.  Søren climbed up on the bed and just lay on Dad's chest for a long time.  They both seemed extremely comfortable when they left, and even allowed Denise to take them home so I could stay awhile longer.  This is very unusual for them, and I'm convinced their a.) flexibility and b.) sibling bonding is a result of your prayers for them.  This is God's story for them, too, and he is working on their hearts.

One more detail -- our meeting this morning with the social worker was wonderful.  It ended up feeling like a wonderful therapy session.  We got to talk through some of our concerns, and how we were feeling.  She gave us some wonderful tools to move through this process.  For example, every day, we'll start each therapy session with asking "What are the expectations for today, and what is the goal for today?"  This will keep us focused on what is in front of us and keep us from getting overwhelmed.  She was impressed with the wide and loving support network we have.  So are we.  You guys are incredible.

On the way here, I had one of our church's albums on in the car, one I hadn't listened to in some time.  It's written from the book of Isaiah, which our church preached through a couple of years ago, and as I listened, it spoke Truth into my heart.  (Thank you, Walt!) I'll leave you with a couple of excerpts that particularly encouraged me.

Strengthen the hands that are feeble
Comfort the weak and distraught
Say to those hearts that are troubled
Be strong, fear not.

Speak faith to those who are doubting
That there's still a God to be sought
Say in the power of the Spirit
Be strong, fear not.

Here is your God!  Mighty to Save!
This God's the God who brought life out of death when he conquered the grave.
So trust him alone.  Call on his name.
He's still the one God, the true God, unchanging, forever the same.

(You can listen to the rest here)
http://graceevfree.org/songs-of-grace/here-is-your-god/

3rd time's a charm

We are settled at Long Beach Memorial Hospital.  The last 24 hours have been pretty horrid for a variety of reasons.  His transfer from Kaiser Downey to Long Beach Memorial was frightening for me because of his pain levels.  However, without hashing through all the gory details, we discovered what was causing his pain and were able to give him relief.  When I walked into his room here in Long Beach, he was a new Steve, 180 degrees.

While there were some horrid times today, he is making important improvements.  He took 5 steps today!  I wasn't there to see them, but my parents were there.  It absolutely wiped him out, but I am so proud of him.  He has increased ability to move his legs, and even a bit of new foot movement.  When I left him tonight, he had not one single cord attached to his body, after having 6 just a few days ago.

We are so grateful for the close of a really difficult part of this journey, and we believe the next several days should develop into a more predictable routine.  Lucy's last day of 2nd grade is tomorrow, and we think the kids will be able to go see him very soon, perhaps even tomorrow.

Steve is grieving many losses, and while really ready to be able to DO something, is certainly sobered by the amount of work it is going to take to get him walking again.  5 steps today knocked him out for the rest of the day, so he is anticipating some very hard work ahead.  Pray that as his mind is coming out of the haze of the meds and the acute pain that he would not sink into depression.  I am encouraging him to acknowledge the negative and difficult thoughts, not to ignore them, but to then really choose to identify it as truth or lies.  He has stopped blaming himself for what happened, and has been able to curb the "what if's," understanding them to be unhelpful.  In the wise words of his sister, "You can't live your life that way.  There's always a what if."

My thanks to the people who have signed up for meals, paid for someone to clean my house this week, cared for and picked up our kids, for the myriad of wise, funny, sweet and sincere words, and always for the way you have gone to God on our behalf when we ourselves could not pray as we would want.  God has been so very good to us, and you have been a means of his grace to us.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To The Kaiser

I nearly hit a peacock crossing the road on Imperial Highway.  It wasn't anywhere near Paddison Farms, by the way.  Why did the Peacock cross the road?  Please, finish this joke as inspired... laughing is fantastic right now. 

An unforeseen complication -- we will be moved today to Long Beach Memorial Hospital, which has an excellent spine rehab facility, with whom Kaiser sometimes contracts.  .  While I am not excited about moving again, I am told that this is a great hospital.  We will have more time to have his med orders updated before we get there, so they should be more ready to admit him than Kaiser was. 

Some of his primary issues at present include extreme heartburn, likely caused by an ulcer created by the steroids.  (He was given heavy doses of steroids immediately in the E.R., which likely saved further damage of his spinal cord.  However, I can't help but chuckle at the connection between biking and steroids...).  This   He has quite a bit of anxiety, including full body shakes.  His pain is manageable, but he is incredibly uncomfortable, and is only able to do assisted position adjustments.  The moves are hard on his anxiety, as his care is then delayed by admission procedure. 

Despite all this, in even his worst moments, he has been nothing but gracious, thanking every person by name. 

Among so many things, I want to point out a few things for which I am thanking God.  Last night was a pretty horrid night with pain and anxiety and lack of sleep, compounded by some delays in medication.  As I was watching my best friend, totally unable to do anything more to help him, I was able to text Laura Tucker, who is presently in South Africa waiting for paperwork to take their new babies home (please pray for them!), and she and Caleb prayed several times for me throughout the night. 

Denise and Doug Geringer are as close to family as you can get without being related.  They have both been able to be with Steve and address his physical and emotional needs differently than I can.  Denise is continuing to use her PT skills and knowledge to help us, and Doug is a pretty good PT apprentice, in addition to being like a brother to Steve. 

All the needs we have had, big and small, seem to just be getting taken care of.  People have stepped up in a beautiful way, showing me how important community really is.  Every single one of you who has contacted me to say you are praying bolsters me even more. 

I'll post details on the move later.  In the mean time, if you have any funny stories to send me, that would be helpful.  Levity has been important at many intervals, and we've appreciated things that make us smile. 

Laura reminded me last night that in our weakness, God's strength is made perfect.  It is most obvious that God is powerful and loving when we are most aware of the gap between him and us.  I feel so very loved and cared for, even in the middle of the night. 

Room with a view

We are getting settled into our new room at Kaiser Downey, where we anticipate a full work-up tomorrow by neurology, PT, etc. so that we can begin a plan for recovery.  I can see Palos Verdes out the window, and am hoping for an unseasonal clear day so that I can see Catalina.  Having grown up going to family camp there, it feels a bit like seeing home.

This was a very difficult day, though in the scheme of things, productive.  Steve had all tubes but his IV removed, was rolled several times and stood/sat up twice. While each task felt like he was running a 10K at breakneck speed, he tolerated it well.  He was able to sit up for almost an hour, which was extremely good for both his body and his mind.  He didn't sleep well last night so he has slept every moment that some task was not required of him.  I may be misquoting, but Steve is burning something like 3000 calories a day to perform all the functions required of him.

My dad was able to view the chest x-ray as well and was pleased with his progress.  Steve was a little skeptical of Doogie Howser doing some of his procedures, but the little league gang did a fine job.

Moyer Hubbard came to pray with me tonight at my request.  It was so very good to have a dear, long-time friend pray in ways that I cannot and encourage me.  He represents both our church as well as Biola, and to have even one of those communities behind you is hitting the jackpot, but having both?  Beyond price.

We still are not yet ready for visitors other than family, but we will let you know when visitors will be welcome.

I'll leave you for tonight with a paragraph from an email my dad sent earlier today while he was back home with the kids.

"Today, Lucy received an academic award. We were both proud but it hurt to realize that you were not there. The good thing was that Grandparents were there to take photos and praise. Jeremy’s mom was there to bring the boys together to play. Then Cammie’s mother was there for the kids to play together. God has brought wonderful surrogates into the lives of your children at just the right time. There are meals planned for you through the 4th of July. JJ has been nearly drowned by your kids hanging on her in the pool. Rich was here yesterday and not only mowed the lawn as I was planing to do but gave the lawn a manicure . Today one of your friends came to take care of the pool. Your Nicaraguan friends brought you avocados and prayers last night. The list is seemingly endless. How you are blessed."

How we are blessed indeed.  We accept the hard things with the good things.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Today - possible facility move

Hi, friends.

Today will be a critical day with likely movement to an in-patient spine center.  Please pray for clear decisions for us, for a good relationship with the administrators helping us, and for a good start to rehab.  Again, we don't know how long he will be there.

The kids are finding out today that Daddy will not be home for awhile.  I'm keeping it simple -- his owie was just a big owie that needs extra time to heal.  A dear psychologist friend and his wife gave me good advice about working with them.  Keep it simple, talk about Daddy and the funny things that happen there (like when he thought one of the machines was a fish tank), take lots of videos, and get them in to see him as much as we can.  They will take their cues from me, and from all of you.  Lucy is doing well, but Soren is definitely more sensitive.  But truly they are doing very well.  Donuts are also awesome.  =)

Thank you for your prayers--they are powerful.

Counting Blessings

A couple of people have affirmed me for my strong faith this weekend.  But I need to dispell any myth that I'm a special person in some way.  Many years ago, I felt like a poser living in a Christian community, just trying to figure out "the right things" I was supposed to do.  But I knew I believed in God, and that I wanted to be on God's side.  I remember a very timid and almost inarticulate prayer at that time.  Essentially, I asked God to help me figure out if he was real and what was true, and whether he could "help me get to where I needed to be" by the time I was in my 20's or 30's.  Through a variety of people, circumstances, and real thinking and questioning over many years, God has truly granted that request.  I can't describe it in any other way than to say God has been cultivating my trust in him, and he has proved himself more than worthy of that trust.  This is not just a sense of peace, inspiration, or spiritual feeling.  It's a long-growing understanding that absolutely nothing I do could fill the gap between myself and a God who is perfect.  But over the course of many years, I've learned to understand that God provided that way for me, instead of me trying to just look good.  That it took a very costly death by Jesus to turn me from an enemy of God, pretending to be "good," into what he calls a dearly loved child with full access to him and everything about him.  

Just a month or so ago I was talking with Steve's sister Jennifer about how I can see that God is preparing my heart for times of suffering.  Suffering is something all of us have been through, are going through, will go through, or are walking through with others.  This is a broken world we live in, so there will be suffering.  But I have such great and absolute hope that God will not waste one moment of our pain, and he is in the process of working out his plan to make all things right in a very not right world.  

Part of this process for me has been remembering what God has done.  I'd like to record several of the things that have come to mind that were God's grace to me this weekend.

Steve was with Doug Geringer, who is excellent in a crisis.
There were people out walking on the trail who had cell phones.
The fire station was perhaps only a quarter mile away.
He was within an easy drive of one of the best hospitals in Southern California.
My parents were able to leave almost immediately, including my dad (a physician), who miraculously was able to have his schedule cleared (Thank you Cindy, staff, and docs!)
Our neighbors were immediately able to care for our kids, had the day open, and were the ideal people to care for them in that moment.
While emotional, I didn't panic.  I was able to understand and take things in slowly.
Steve and I had shared a really wonderful conversation and really connected over it the night before, and we went into this without a shred of tension between us.
Denise was able to come sit with me in the ER, and has the intuitive understanding of patients in crisis,  well as the ability to know how to cry and laugh with me in the same moment.
Our first nurse was a Christian, and prayed with us and shared scripture.
Our next nurse attended a biola before her nursing school, and I have worked closely with her Father in law at Biola.
Our surgeon was exceptional.  Clear, honest, confident, skilled, articulate and kind.
People began to pray immediately, and we felt well cared for by so many very quickly.
I remembered to bring my cell phone charger.
Steve's sister Jennifer was able to come immediately, to help care for the kids during the day, and has taken the night shift so I can get some rest.
The kids have handled things surprisingly well.  They have had very few issues, though certainly alert to the abnormal environment.
I was much further ahead with adventure week planning than ever, and capable people are in place to take over.
Krispie Kreme is across the street... This sounds funny, but it has been awesome for me!
Our cars work great.  Our house is in basic order.
Chad Van Essen is going to take care of our pool this month!
My dad has been here to help us understand our position medically, and is able to give Steve exactly what he needs: clear and complete facts and no sugar coating.
Denise (a PT) was here today and met the PT at the hospital and has been showing me how to care for him between nurse and PT visits.
We are able to grieve incrementally, have healthy emotions, but not despair or feel hopeless.
I was able to have a long, sweet talk with Steve's mom so that she would not feel so far away from her baby.

There are more.  And more and more.  This is a short list.

I want to leave you with a passage from Philippians that has encouraged us.  We see it describing the community who has supported us, but also describes the trust we have in God.

"I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble. And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only. Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. (Philippians 4:10-20 ESV)

Bike accident

Hi friends!
First and foremost, we have been incredibly thankful for your prayers and support.  It sounds very flat, but I've never felt so loved and uplifted in my life.  Steve is doing well, all things considered, and we are making baby steps forward.

Many have asked what happened, so I thought I'd start by posting that here.  I'll post updates about other things as I am able.

On Friday morning, Steve and Doug Geringer were mountain biking on the Fullerton Loop.  They had just started when Steve hit a fluke bump or something, and he flew over his handlebars.  We believe he hit his head, as his helmet cracked. He had no head injuries at all and remained conscious, but the impact caused a compression break in his L1 vertebra.  There were no other injuries.  He was treated at UCI trauma center and had surgery on Saturday to place an expander and fuse together the upper and lower vertebrae.

Steve will likely be in the hospital through at least tomorrow, and will go from here to a spinal recovery center to find out what the next steps will be.  He has some feeling and movement in his legs, but can't wiggle his toes. They have every reason to expect full recovery, but there are no guarantees.  We also don't know how long it will take to recover.  It could be very quick, or it could take many months.

He is making small but steady improvements, is resting well.  His pain is manageable.  He is a stellar patient, polite and thankful, cheerfully doing everything asked of him.  He has been open with his faith in a few appropriate instances, and the Lord has been very near to him.  

We have been doing well, though of course emotional and tired.  I have not ever felt fearful or despairing.  God has graciously allowed me to register the seriousness of the situation in small chunks as I've been able to handle it.  So many small details came into play that I could never have anticipated.  The community of people we love sprang into action and have been in place to care for us.  My parents are both here, as is Steve's sister.  Steve's parents a currently in Nebraska caring for  Jane's sister during a surgery recovery, and we joyfully support them remaining there for the time  being.

Denise Geringer has started a meal train for us, and will keep that as updated as possible.  We don't yet know what our needs will be, but I promise to ask when we need anything.  Already people are stepping in to help in beautiful ways, and we thank you so much for that.

The kids are doing well-- lots of time with Grammie, Uncle Bud and Aunt JJ has been wonderful, plus some dear friends.  They are both a little anxious of course, But God is caring well for their hearts too.

Please know that we have complete confidence in God to give us just what we need during this time, that even in the most difficult days, he is God.  He does not change, he is loving, he is completely trustworthy.  He has prepared both our hearts well.  Thank you for your continued prayers-- the Lord is glorified when you pray for us.

With gratitude,
Jenn for the Earles